That being said, I love efficiency. (As a veteran procrastinator, I must.) And when I ponder the semantics of Facebook friendship, I am convinced that there is a more efficient way to judge compatibility with another person, other than the obvious and shared "likes." Sure, everyone can agree that U2 is a great band, To Kill a Mockingbird is a great book, and Arrested Development should have a cinematic conclusion (please, oh please, Ron Howard), but at the end of the day, what does this really tell us? For all the friends I boast, pages I like, and photos I tag, one finds little more than "Surface Colleen," carefully detailed under pre-specified activities and interests.
Let's face it, true friends are the people with whom you can commiserate on the nonsensical and ridiculous, the impractical and the unbelievable. Sure, Casablanca is an incredible film, but for exactly that reason, you are harder pressed to find a fan of the 2003 Peter Pan (what a great adaptation!) than of Bogart or Bergman. For all that Facebook can tell you, the picture it paints is still remarkably incomplete.
[And here's the part where I offer some unsolicited advice...]
With a few minor changes, one could revamp a page with pertinent, interesting, and "get-right-to-it" kind of information. It's a quick, "Getting to know you / getting to know all about you" for friends and family. Now, I am not suggesting either reader or Facebook engage in this type of behavior: Again, a lot of this information is best gained through personal conversation - This, dear reader, is how friendships form and last. This URL, however, has only been shared with a few close friends (and is unsearchable in Google - although I feel as if I'm tempting fate by saying that). Thus, I am comfortable indulging in whims of fancy for the duration of this post.
I offer, by way of example, revised Facebook categories that are both practical and informative. For kicks, this is what my profile would look like.
MOVIES YOU LOVE TO HATE
Description: Given the choice, you would voluntarily gouge your eyes out before watching these movies again.
And Robert Pattinson. He's not a movie, but I've had enough of that kid.
CLOSET MUSIC TASTES
Description: You're a little ashamed to admit you still listen to these jams.
Description: You're a little ashamed to admit you still listen to these jams.
Confession: That's where Dashboard resides. And Peter Gabriel. And if I had more shame, LFO. But it's not even a secret anymore that I secretly love them.
PEOPLE WHO INSPIRE ENVY IN YOU
Description: Famous figure with whom you would swap spots for a day.
Description: Famous figure with whom you would swap spots for a day.
It's a toss-up between Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge (those clothes!) or Emily Blunt. She works with the likes of Meryl Streep and Matt Damon by day, and then goes home to John Krasinski at night. Em, you lucky broad... You are living the dream!
TV TRIVIA
Description: Don't be confused. These aren't just shows that generally bring you amusement. These are shows you know better than family members' birthdays. You would be prepared to answer a series of rigorous and exacting questions about titular characters, guest stars, seasons, lines, theme songs, and the like. There's a difference between "liking" and liking, folks. For all intents and purposes, you are Bianca Stratford and the following shows are your "Prada backpack."Saved by the Bell, Little House on the Prairie, and Boy Meets World are certainly at the top of my list. If there is one thing I can boast, it is intimate knowledge of The Max, Walnut Grove, and John Adams High. Take me for what I am.* But why stop at just revised categories? Try some fast facts with the "About Me" section!
What You'd Be Drinking if Money Grew On Trees: Bombay Sapphire
What You're Probably Drinking Instead: $3.99 Tisdale Wine from Yes! Organic
Products On Which You Are Entirely Too Dependent: Coffee filters, headbands, Tide-to-Go, my invisible wristwatch
Products You Would Ban from World Markets If Given the Option: Axe body spray, plastic t-shirt ties, Chia pets (I may get flack on this one, but I stand firm, creepy!) and finally, any Wiggles paraphernalia.
Fictional Character That Resembles You (On a Good Day): Belle, Beauty and the Beast
Fictional Character With Whom You Likely Have More In Common: Amy March, Little Women (I'm talking the early years - vain, bratty, and desperate for attention.)
Thank goodness for people who love you despite and in spite of all of these things.
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C.S. Lewis once said, "Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You too? I thought I was the only one." And I wholeheartedly agree. How many moments has that thought crossed my mind...
(Author is taking a moment to relive some wonderful memories: When Deirdre and I discussed the old-school, Prince of Persia computer game; the first time I saw Moey wearing her "Bayside Tigers" tee; when Maura and I had a "Bob Ross" revelation in Honduras... The list goes on.)
Friendship really is a glorious thing.
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There are some things I can state with certainty.
God exists. Daisies are the most cheerful flowers. Galoshes and wellies are fun alternatives to "rain boots." Ten years later, it is still absurd that Ethan Hawke received a "Best Supporting Actor" nod for Training Day. It's uncomfortable when a priest uses the abbreviation "whatev" from the pulpit, regardless of his age. If I were only allowed to choose one drink to consume for the rest of my life, coffee would win. I will never prefer online reading or reading via Kindle /Nook /Electronic-Poser-of-the-Week to the actual weight and smell of a book in my hands. There is no "convenience store" or "mini-mart" that will surpass Wawa in its greatness ('Tis a thing of beauty to behold). If I ever have a little girl, the first book I will purchase for her will be Madeline. The second, Anne of Green Gables. And because I anticipate this will not happen for a number of years yet, I'm holding out hope that there will be such a thing as a Nancy Drew board book. And no, I will never stop making Emily Dickinson jokes.
There are some things that make absolutely no sense.
The line, "Love means never having to say you're sorry," from the film Love Story. The phenomenon of the disappearing bobby pin, because let's face it, you're back at CVS in two months time, asking yourself, "Where did they all GO? There were 90 in a pack..." The fact that no other sandwich cookie brand can come close to replicating the true flavor of Oreos. Marky Mark's transformation from Funky Bunch rapper and underwear model to in-demand, A-List actor. (Youtube "Good Vibrations" and then watch The Fighter. I mean, I suppose there are similar "training" themes, but really? How did that happen?) John Madden's so-obvious-it's-painful gametime commentary. Cheaters. Vanessa Hudgen's movie career. Most of Lady Gaga's music videos. The male who pairs plaid bermuda shorts with a striped polo. (Dude. Matching 101.)
But you know what? It's the friends who understand this catalogue of certainties and nonsense that make it worthwhile. The friends who push you to learn about truth and write about life. And the friends who will appreciate a rambly, late-night post without real direction or meaning. You, dear ones, are all the more appreciated, and I'll sing it at the top of my lungs: I get by with a little help from my friends.
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